The power of feedback

Let's make the world a better place.

Nov 23, 2023

A fact you didn’t know about me: I am the proud author of 33 Google Map reviews (exhibits one and two), which makes me a… drumrolls please… Level 5 Local Guide.1

All my reviews are thoughtfully constructed and carefully worded. I don’t put in as much effort as when I write for you, but I take them seriously. And it shows. On more than one occasion, I’ve been asked whether I was paid for a five-star review I’d left a business. To which I replied, no and thank you for the compliment—if you think I’m getting paid for this, then my review can’t be too shabby indeed.

One other thing you’re about to find out about me: I don’t leave negative reviews. Ever. If I’m unhappy with a service provider, I send them detailed feedback in private. There is no group of patrons I scorn more deeply than those who say nothing, smile politely as they leave, then pour their venomous heart out on Google Maps or social media.

What jerks. If you ever catch me doing this, please condemn me, publicly, in the strongest terms.

Construct, don’t destroy

I’m extremely detail-oriented, and I’m exacting when it comes to services. If I’m paying good money for a meal, a massage, a car with a driver, an inflatable Dumbo, I expect top quality.

The meal has to be flawless—each dish arriving exactly when it should, attentive waiting staff I don’t need to wave at to catch their attention, no surprise items on the bill. If I’m having a massage, then my therapist has to be courteous and the support staff need to clearly instruct me where to go and what to do—no getting hurried or left feeling lost in the changing room. My driver needs to be prompt and the car spotless—no messaging while driving and no complaining if we suddenly find ourselves in traffic. The inflatable Dumbo needs to be a pretty shade of pink and able to soar on my command.

Several years ago, I treated myself to a birthday staycation at the Park Hyatt. It cost a considerable sum of money and I was dismayed, upon arriving, to find a noticeable amount of hair on the carpet and curtains.2 More hiccups occurred during my short stay, enough to galvanise me into action. After checking out, I sent the hotel a long, bullet-pointed email detailing all the ways in which their guest suite and service had not lived up to the standards I expected of their brand. I received a graceful reply with a discount voucher for a future stay.3

This email I wrote for the Park Hyatt is one of the countless I’ve sent over the years to establishments whose products and services I found wanting—all bullet-pointed with specific examples so they’re actionable. Because my emails aren’t complaints couched as feedback. They are feedback. These places I bother to write to are the ones I care enough about to want to help get better.

I don’t know this for a fact, but I suspect most disgruntled patrons don’t take the time to write feedback emails, which is a shame, as they are the people who know exactly how the establishment could improve. Every single feedback email I’ve sent has been received with profuse gratitude—thank you so much, we would never have known.

Sadly, it is those whose constructive feedback, discreetly shared, would help the most who are the least inclined to give it. These unhappy customers are far more likely to “speak to management” to ask for compensation, or worse, leave devastating reviews for all to see.

Hotels, restaurants, car companies, inflatable Dumbo rentals—they live and die by our words. A one-star review gone viral can destroy in hours a business that took years to build. Leaving a negative review on Google is to me the ultimate act of careless cruelty.

If you’re unhappy with the service you received, by all means speak up. But say it to the people who can do something to fix the situation, not the masses who’ll rush to burn the house down. If your food arrived cold, skip the review and give the restaurant feedback so they can tighten their processes. If your driver arrived late, let the car company know so they can re-train their drivers. If your Dumbo doesn’t fly… you get the idea.

Giving feedback is an act of kindness that, ultimately, makes us all better off.

Show your appreciation

One human trait that I lament and exhibit in equal measure is being quick to criticise and slow to praise, especially at work. My role as Quality Controller means I’m duty-bound to point out my teammates’ mistakes. Far less frequently do I show appreciation—congratulate someone on a job well done, a common error expertly avoided.

This is an aspect of me I’m working to change. And I’ve been (I think) rather successful. Each time I find myself thinking “that’s nice,” I make it a point to make this appreciation explicit. I’ll tell my colleague, “I noticed you didn’t forget X this time, thank you!” or my partner, “You’re a wonderful person,” or a friend, “I cherish the time we spend together,” or my parents, “I love you. Thank you for everything.”

This appreciation costs me nothing, yet can mean everything to the other person. Hearing an unexpected kind word has put enough smiles on my face that I don’t think it’s a stretch to say it can make someone’s day. But even if it doesn’t, it shouldn’t matter. It’s none of your business whether your appreciation means the world or nothing to the receiver. What matters is that you’ve expressed it with no strings attached, no reciprocity expected.

When I tell my colleague how much I appreciate them, I’m not hoping to hear them reply in kind. When I tell my partner how wonderful he is, I’m not expecting him to say I’m a magnificent human being (though I am). When I say I cherish a friend, I’m happy for them to not say it back. Thanking my parents for everything isn’t a nudge for them to gush what a gift parenthood has been.

All I want when showing my appreciation is for the other person to hear it. They can do with it what they will—take it on board, discount it, treasure it, cast it aside.

On that note, let me express my appreciation to you, my first two hundred readers. Thank you. Thank you for subscribing, for reading, for entertaining the ideas I put forth, for asking yourself the questions I pose, for coming back each week for more. All of this is for you.

What do you think?

Feedback is powerful—be it constructive feedback to help others get better, or appreciation to show someone they matter.

How can you give more feedback in your life?

The next time a staycation lets you down, will you take a leaf out of my book? If a restaurant messes up your order, will you tell them nicely instead of leaving that one-star review? Who in your life can you show appreciation to? Please hit “reply” or leave a comment—I read every response and I’d love to hear from you. If you want, share this with someone you appreciate.