Do what you say you will

It’s not that hard

Feb 20, 2025

If I had a penny for every time someone promised me something then never followed through, I’d be a millionaire.

You need to reach out to friends and ask for help, said a friend who then stopped responding to my messages. I’ll send you X this week, said a colleague who then never mentioned X again. I’d love your feedback on my product, I’ll let you know when it’s ready, said an entrepreneur who I still haven’t heard from a year later.

I used to take these failures to follow through personally, an affront to my time and attention. I kept silent yet took note of these broken promises, fed them into my composite of the offender’s character.

Then I started therapy and learnt a better way. These days, if a broken promise bothers me, I speak up. I let the person know they have crossed a line, that further violations will be ruinous to our relationship. I ask them, polite but firm, to take their promises seriously should they wish to retain my respect, then reassess our relationship based on their response.

If I’m not bothered, I let the broken promises go. If someone doesn’t want to do something, it’s neither my responsibility nor my place to make them. Yet I feel frustrated on their behalf—all those opportunities they’re missing, all the open doors they could be stepping through.

And I resolve not to make the same mistake. And neither should you.

Your superpower

There are more paths to success than can be named. And a lot is down to chance. But I’ve always believed, will always do, that a large part of success is simply following through.

It’s a matter of standing out from the crowd. So many people routinely break their promises—personal and professional—that if you do everything you say you will, you will get noticed—and by the people who matter.

The kind of people you want in your life—the ones who show up on time, who are generous with their expertise, who might give you your dream job—have no time to waste. Waste it once, you might get a second chance. Waste it again and they’ll write you off.

Reliability is a valued trait for good reason. If someone cannot be relied on to keep their promises, large or small, then no relationship can be built that will weather the vagaries of life—be it a relationship between partners, friends, colleagues, or family.

Think about the people you know. Who are the ones you’re more willing to give your time of day to? The ones who break their promises, or the ones who keep them?

Exactly.

If you won’t do it, don’t say it

Not to mind-read, but I suspect people break promises because they make them lightly. I’ll write you/I’ll do X/let’s meet up soon, are easy things to say. They roll off the tongue, the perfect end to a conversation. So they say it without thinking, without making a physical or mental note to follow through.

Then they forget and we’re left with one broken promise, then two, then twenty.

The same way we should be more intentional with phrases like “I can’t,” “I need,” and “I’ll try,” we should take our promises less lightly so we don’t make empty ones.

Don’t end your conversations with “I’ll write you” if you don’t plan to. Don’t promise to send someone something if you’re not going to make sure you do. Don’t say “call me any time” if you’re not willing to make yourself available 24/7.

If you can follow through on crucial work deadlines, picking up your kid from school, putting out meals for your pet, then clearly you have the ability to keep promises. You’re just not according them the same importance, which is understandable. After all, your friend won’t starve to death if you don’t write them like your pet will if you don’t feed it.

But if you’re going to not take some of your promises seriously, why make them in the first place? Why make empty promises that will dismiss you in someone’s regard, close doors that would otherwise spring open, do you all harm and no good?

It’s really not that hard. If you won’t do it, don’t say it.

What do you think?

If you’re wondering how many promises made lightly you’ve broken this month, then my newsletter has done its job.

Do you do what you say you will?

No matter how trivial, do you keep all your promises? Can you get better? Please hit “reply” or leave a comment—I read every response and I’d love to hear from you. If you want, share this post with someone who has never let you down.