How do you see your life?

I see only the good, and maybe that's... bad?

I asked an old friend recently how he’d been.

Ups and downs, he said. How about you?

Without missing a beat, I gave the only answer I’ve been giving out in recent years: good, things are good.

There have been no downs… only ups.

Living the good life

For at least 4-5 years now, my life has been on a consistent and steep upward trajectory.

Career-wise, I've been offered roles which excite me and for which—with each company move—I get paid significantly higher sums of money.

Friends-wise, I've been lucky to connect deeply with the people I meet through work who then become lifelong friends. I’m also deepening relationships with older friends from school and university.

Relationships-wise, I was incredibly lucky to meet my kinder half some years back in a chance encounter in a bar in a town neither of us lives in. And being with him has enriched my life in ways I’d never dreamt possible.

Family-wise, apart from a blip around the time I was experiencing a brief manic episode, I've always had a solid relationship with my parents and extended family. And the past few years have been no exception.

Self-wise, I've learned to be at peace with who I am. I am aware of my strengths and limitations. I love myself fully, and I am excited by the idea that I can be better.

Last year's move to Vietnam could have gone horribly wrong: I quit my well-paying corporate job, left my family and friends to come to a country where I could count the people I knew in one hand—all for the sole reason of being with my partner.

But then I got my current remote role working for an author whose writing I absolutely love, and made really good friends here. And I can't imagine life with my partner being better if I tried.

My rose-tinted spectacles

The other day, I was discussing the idea for this post with my partner, the idea that there have been only ups and no downs in my life in recent years.

He looked at me quizzically and went, there have been downs. Weren’t you crushed last August when you found out a beloved family member had cancer? Weren’t you stressed about work just two days ago? Remember that English student of yours that you were so frustrated with and couldn’t stop complaining about?

As always, he’s right: there have been downs in my life. There have been times when I felt down, stressed, sad, even depressed—I only have to look at my diary entries to see the evidence in multicolour.

So why, when I look back at my life with as little as a few days’ hindsight, do I see only the good? The stress I felt about work two days ago was just me coming down off a high when I had an uber productive day—it’s to be expected and passed quickly. The frustrating English student gave me a valuable lesson that I needed to do a better job screening prospects and be more explicit about my terms. The beloved family member with cancer retired from a thankless job and made a hobby they love their new profession, which I can’t be happier about.

Looking further back, I see even more evidence of me painting a rosy sheen on events that you’d surely say are objectively bad:

• That month and a half being locked up in a mental hospital? It taught me to value freedom and motivated me to question my lopsided values (exhibit A: all that matters is being a good student) and construct a healthier, more balanced identity.

• Not making any friends on my course at university? It made me realise how woefully inadequate my friend-making skills were and spurred my determination to get better—fast forward ten years and now it’s second nature.

• Not getting that prized internship? All part of the process of figuring out there can be other definitions of success that, as it turns out, I value more than a consulting job.

• Losing $1,000 at a hot dog stand on the very first day of my Vienna trip? It got me to think more carefully about what souvenirs I really wanted to buy, and learn never again to take $1,000 to a hot dog stand.

Somehow, over the course of my thirty-something years, I have adopted the habit of seeing the good in every situation, of putting on my rose-tinted spectacles when writing my narrative of life. I don’t deny that bad things have happened—losing $1,000 is objectively bad, not to mention being locked up in a mental institute—but for some reason, I find it very difficult to not see these bad things positively, in terms of lessons learned and subsequent desirable outcomes.

I am not a proponent of blind optimism and am firmly against toxic positivity. I deeply believe that sometimes life just sucks and we should accept and embrace negative experiences. But for reasons unbeknownst to me, I don’t seem to practice what I preach—I do see the positive in every situation. And it has helped me live a happy, contented life.

What do you think?

As you can imagine, I am stumped. I genuinely don’t think seeing life through rose-tinted spectacles is a good thing, but it has undeniably resulted in a good life for me. Maybe what I need is to broaden my understanding of all this, so let me ask you:

How do you see your life?

Do you also see life through rose-tinted spectacles? Do you see only the bad? Is good/bad not the point? Do you have any thoughts on why I am the way I am? Send a reply, leave a comment, share this with someone you appreciate in your life.

Until next Friday… Stay thoughtful,

Val

p.s. It’s good to be back. I’ve missed writing for you guys.

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Photo by Count Chris on Unsplash