Mar 18, 2022·edited Mar 18, 2022Liked by Val Saksornchai
I think you are really close, it is not the reciprocity which kills relationships - but rather it is the Expectation of reciprocity which kills them. Reciprocity is a wonderful thing, relationship enhancing IMO. Expectations, on the other hand, are 100% pure EGO. Not only do expectations kill relationships, they are also the most common root source of depression. Love your stuff, keep up the good work!
I agree with your partner, it's the idea of a relationship becoming transactional that will hurt.
The way I see it, there's layers in relationships, with the relationship with yourself to be the most important.
Just a quick dig into the works of our brain, our body simply budget our energy and analyze if the actions we take is going to benefit us or not. That in itself is a form of reciprocity.
But what makes reciprocity even more important in sustainable, deep, and meaningful relationships is the expressed gratitude, appreciation, and love. When we take out the "should" and simply do things because we want the other person to be happy.
A quote I saved => "A really great relationship is one where you ask each person independently who benefits more from the relationship, they would each say, "well I do" - Bill
That form of reciprocity is out of selflessness balanced with selfishness. If you are always selfless in a relationship, it will be draining emotionally. But a nice balanced system to the relationships you care about, it will be awesome.
I think it's also important to notice the degree of closeness of that relationship. My 5 layers are self, intimate partner, family, friends, and what I call transactional and in that order.
The form of reciprocity is also different depending who is the receiver. I'm sure you are familiar with the love languages. But it's even more important to stay up-to-date with the changes of the people around us. That way, our acts and words are received in a form that is meaningful. There's just too many tragic stories of one-sided relationship filled with regrets and misunderstanding. The more frequent we communicate our needs and wants, the better.
Reciprocity is key to sustainable relationship, especially romantic. This comes from experiencing 2398 days as of this writing...filled with happiness and gratitude in my relationship every single day.
Intentionality is something that I look for when someone is doing what I perceive to be a reciprocal gesture. Like you mentioned, if it's an empty gesture, it becomes transactional and meaningless. But if someone intentionally reciprocates (I read something they write and leave a thoughtful comment, and they do the same), it becomes a meaningful relationship where both parties feel validated and respected.
I think you are really close, it is not the reciprocity which kills relationships - but rather it is the Expectation of reciprocity which kills them. Reciprocity is a wonderful thing, relationship enhancing IMO. Expectations, on the other hand, are 100% pure EGO. Not only do expectations kill relationships, they are also the most common root source of depression. Love your stuff, keep up the good work!
I agree with your partner, it's the idea of a relationship becoming transactional that will hurt.
The way I see it, there's layers in relationships, with the relationship with yourself to be the most important.
Just a quick dig into the works of our brain, our body simply budget our energy and analyze if the actions we take is going to benefit us or not. That in itself is a form of reciprocity.
But what makes reciprocity even more important in sustainable, deep, and meaningful relationships is the expressed gratitude, appreciation, and love. When we take out the "should" and simply do things because we want the other person to be happy.
A quote I saved => "A really great relationship is one where you ask each person independently who benefits more from the relationship, they would each say, "well I do" - Bill
That form of reciprocity is out of selflessness balanced with selfishness. If you are always selfless in a relationship, it will be draining emotionally. But a nice balanced system to the relationships you care about, it will be awesome.
I think it's also important to notice the degree of closeness of that relationship. My 5 layers are self, intimate partner, family, friends, and what I call transactional and in that order.
The form of reciprocity is also different depending who is the receiver. I'm sure you are familiar with the love languages. But it's even more important to stay up-to-date with the changes of the people around us. That way, our acts and words are received in a form that is meaningful. There's just too many tragic stories of one-sided relationship filled with regrets and misunderstanding. The more frequent we communicate our needs and wants, the better.
Reciprocity is key to sustainable relationship, especially romantic. This comes from experiencing 2398 days as of this writing...filled with happiness and gratitude in my relationship every single day.
Intentionality is something that I look for when someone is doing what I perceive to be a reciprocal gesture. Like you mentioned, if it's an empty gesture, it becomes transactional and meaningless. But if someone intentionally reciprocates (I read something they write and leave a thoughtful comment, and they do the same), it becomes a meaningful relationship where both parties feel validated and respected.