Before I dig into being good at something or not, I think one thing that helped to transform how I see life is this idea of 'positioning'. I came across it after listening to a Farnham street podcast.
I like to think that certain people who are better or "luckier" have better positioning than me. Their life circumstances allowed them to be ahead. But it doesn't mean we cannot catch up. We can position ourselves in front of the obvious hard work or gaining leverage.
I moved to Taiwan from New York because of love. I didn't give much thought about it and just did it. Reflecting back now, I was technically in a better position in life for "success". I even just got promoted but turned down since I was moving.
But in Taiwan, I needed to learn the language which was very foreign for me or even a not so positive association that prevented me from learning it better. But, overall, it was very difficult. Even doing things that could have been easy if you speak the language, now, everything becomes a list of giant tasks. It's frustrating, it feels like you go backward in life. When you are already feeling a fraud in your own native language, it would be 15x that feeling.
So, I'm the complete opposite of you. I'm always the person that's failing and a disappointment to every corner of my life. But one thing I reflected early on with my wife was the fact that I could turn a negative experience and bring a positive perspective to it. Either through humor, naivety, or an endless optimism to be better and create better changes. It is the same fire that speaks who I am. It's what led me to move to the other side of the world without any relative or knowledge of the language, fearless. It's what got me to become an entrepreneur, writer, and one day impacting billions of people.
I don't know how to do things well. I know how to be on the very bottom, and that gave me the trait for empathy, compassion, patience, and finding ways to help others so they don't feel the pain like me.
I think both being very good and doing well at things, like my wife and you, can have its painful experience in itself. Like the expectations you have for yourself and others have. Finding ways to navigate our emotions and to keep having a northern light to be an ultimate learner would still be the best way to go as we are curious and wonderful creatures.
Thank you Thomi for sharing your story. I really like the idea of seeing myself as the ultimate learner who is always learning and growing. It's not a mindset I'm familiar with but incidentally one that would resonate with my partner (he's an eternal learner). I moved from Thailand to Vietnam for love as well and can understand some of the frustrations of starting over in a country where you don't speak the language, though I'm lucky because I came with a job and I don't have to worry about the financial/career aspect of life. What would you say is the most valuable lesson you learned from the move to Taiwan?
I think the most important lesson would be to truly listen to your own values and not get influenced by the outside environment. Especially as a couple and you know that you're in it for the long-term. You have to be strong in knowing who you are and who is your partner. And to constantly update on each other's values, goals, and pain.
I made it my life mission to help others because of the painful experiences from that transition on top of childhood trauma.
+10 resonate points for that moving for love though! That's epic!
This has me thinking. Is it true that we can’t be good at everything? Or is it a matter of some things will take considerably more effort or be considerably more taxing than we decide is worth it?
I think a lot of it is about what we decide is worth it or not. But I also think there are also real limits which could be physical, intellectual, etc. in some cases.
Before I dig into being good at something or not, I think one thing that helped to transform how I see life is this idea of 'positioning'. I came across it after listening to a Farnham street podcast.
I like to think that certain people who are better or "luckier" have better positioning than me. Their life circumstances allowed them to be ahead. But it doesn't mean we cannot catch up. We can position ourselves in front of the obvious hard work or gaining leverage.
I moved to Taiwan from New York because of love. I didn't give much thought about it and just did it. Reflecting back now, I was technically in a better position in life for "success". I even just got promoted but turned down since I was moving.
But in Taiwan, I needed to learn the language which was very foreign for me or even a not so positive association that prevented me from learning it better. But, overall, it was very difficult. Even doing things that could have been easy if you speak the language, now, everything becomes a list of giant tasks. It's frustrating, it feels like you go backward in life. When you are already feeling a fraud in your own native language, it would be 15x that feeling.
So, I'm the complete opposite of you. I'm always the person that's failing and a disappointment to every corner of my life. But one thing I reflected early on with my wife was the fact that I could turn a negative experience and bring a positive perspective to it. Either through humor, naivety, or an endless optimism to be better and create better changes. It is the same fire that speaks who I am. It's what led me to move to the other side of the world without any relative or knowledge of the language, fearless. It's what got me to become an entrepreneur, writer, and one day impacting billions of people.
I don't know how to do things well. I know how to be on the very bottom, and that gave me the trait for empathy, compassion, patience, and finding ways to help others so they don't feel the pain like me.
I think both being very good and doing well at things, like my wife and you, can have its painful experience in itself. Like the expectations you have for yourself and others have. Finding ways to navigate our emotions and to keep having a northern light to be an ultimate learner would still be the best way to go as we are curious and wonderful creatures.
Thank you Thomi for sharing your story. I really like the idea of seeing myself as the ultimate learner who is always learning and growing. It's not a mindset I'm familiar with but incidentally one that would resonate with my partner (he's an eternal learner). I moved from Thailand to Vietnam for love as well and can understand some of the frustrations of starting over in a country where you don't speak the language, though I'm lucky because I came with a job and I don't have to worry about the financial/career aspect of life. What would you say is the most valuable lesson you learned from the move to Taiwan?
I think the most important lesson would be to truly listen to your own values and not get influenced by the outside environment. Especially as a couple and you know that you're in it for the long-term. You have to be strong in knowing who you are and who is your partner. And to constantly update on each other's values, goals, and pain.
I made it my life mission to help others because of the painful experiences from that transition on top of childhood trauma.
+10 resonate points for that moving for love though! That's epic!
This has me thinking. Is it true that we can’t be good at everything? Or is it a matter of some things will take considerably more effort or be considerably more taxing than we decide is worth it?
I think a lot of it is about what we decide is worth it or not. But I also think there are also real limits which could be physical, intellectual, etc. in some cases.