Starting and maintaining friendships really is miraculous! Especially as we go through different stages in life. Last year, I moved back home to a city where I had a ton of friends. I assumed I'd be able to pick back up where I left off, but that wasn't the case, especially now that I was a mom. I try to remind myself that everything in life has seasons—even friendships—but it's hard!
I'm happy you found a good friend after moving to a new country. It's difficult and your efforts will be what I reference to in my mind to keep trying.
I think intention is so important but other factors like availability, stage of life, and similar life experiences plays a part in it too.
Part of why friendship is an area of my life I want to pursuit as well was mainly due to watching too much anime and wanting that Nakama feels.
And a gift and curse I have is to see the potential in the friendship but it doesn't reciprocate due to the many factors above.
Just like you mentioned in "defriending" it's causes so much anxiety when your wants and efforts doesn't turn into anything meaningful. And in terms of keeping a friend, knowing where you are in life is important. I found that sharing other areas in life where I found joy such as finding purpose in life career and finding love, could cause friction to my friends who doesn't have those yet.
So finding new people that can match those life circumstances could be better. Not hurting ourselves or others along the way.
And I think it's also about self-acceptance of our own expectations. My overly high optimism in friendships and finding the good in people led me to pain. But it also led me to realize, I only needed one best friend who is also my life partner. But still, keeping an energy or signal out for the opportunity to connect is something I always do.
Hi Val, is it too late to leave the comment on this? 😅 Thank you for sharing this! I need to re-read the Defriending again. I agree that the friendship is miraculous. I have one to share because it’s end already. The other current friendships are still miraculous for me. But the one I’m going to share, it was end almost three years already. If you can recall my best friend T, I’ve shared with you before how we’re closed and connected. Yes, it was ended after 14 almost 15 years. I can say that I absolutely lost my self-esteem. I don’t know what on his mind that makes our friendship end up like this. I have never tried to get back the friendship as well, because I just want to respect his decision. I cannot say that I remember only the good parts we spent together because the scar of heartbreaking is existing on my heart.
I admire you that you can make new friends and live your life so good(from my point of view). But for me, I’m scared of making a new friend. I loose my confident.
I just try to make myself better in everyday. I’m trying to make myself busy with my current friends(since high-school). And I’m trying to spend my time to improve my health. And my health is a key now that makes me feel better than the past 3 years.
I have a question back to you, pardon me if you have written something about this already. Have you ever lost control or confident by others? What does it look like? How is your feeling? How do you deal with it?
Starting and maintaining friendships really is miraculous! Especially as we go through different stages in life. Last year, I moved back home to a city where I had a ton of friends. I assumed I'd be able to pick back up where I left off, but that wasn't the case, especially now that I was a mom. I try to remind myself that everything in life has seasons—even friendships—but it's hard!
I'm happy you found a good friend after moving to a new country. It's difficult and your efforts will be what I reference to in my mind to keep trying.
I think intention is so important but other factors like availability, stage of life, and similar life experiences plays a part in it too.
Part of why friendship is an area of my life I want to pursuit as well was mainly due to watching too much anime and wanting that Nakama feels.
And a gift and curse I have is to see the potential in the friendship but it doesn't reciprocate due to the many factors above.
Just like you mentioned in "defriending" it's causes so much anxiety when your wants and efforts doesn't turn into anything meaningful. And in terms of keeping a friend, knowing where you are in life is important. I found that sharing other areas in life where I found joy such as finding purpose in life career and finding love, could cause friction to my friends who doesn't have those yet.
So finding new people that can match those life circumstances could be better. Not hurting ourselves or others along the way.
And I think it's also about self-acceptance of our own expectations. My overly high optimism in friendships and finding the good in people led me to pain. But it also led me to realize, I only needed one best friend who is also my life partner. But still, keeping an energy or signal out for the opportunity to connect is something I always do.
Hi Val, is it too late to leave the comment on this? 😅 Thank you for sharing this! I need to re-read the Defriending again. I agree that the friendship is miraculous. I have one to share because it’s end already. The other current friendships are still miraculous for me. But the one I’m going to share, it was end almost three years already. If you can recall my best friend T, I’ve shared with you before how we’re closed and connected. Yes, it was ended after 14 almost 15 years. I can say that I absolutely lost my self-esteem. I don’t know what on his mind that makes our friendship end up like this. I have never tried to get back the friendship as well, because I just want to respect his decision. I cannot say that I remember only the good parts we spent together because the scar of heartbreaking is existing on my heart.
I admire you that you can make new friends and live your life so good(from my point of view). But for me, I’m scared of making a new friend. I loose my confident.
I just try to make myself better in everyday. I’m trying to make myself busy with my current friends(since high-school). And I’m trying to spend my time to improve my health. And my health is a key now that makes me feel better than the past 3 years.
I have a question back to you, pardon me if you have written something about this already. Have you ever lost control or confident by others? What does it look like? How is your feeling? How do you deal with it?
Thank you
P