I Don't Want Kids

Here's why.

It’s been a while that I’ve wanted to write about not wanting kids. But it feels like such a sensitive topic I’ve always put it off. Not to mention I fear offending many of my beloved friends who have kids and whom I love just the same whether they’re mothers or not.

But it’s a topic I think is very important and not discussed enough. And fear of backlash is definitely not a good reason to not write about something. I think, as a writer, it’s good practice to write about things that are important to you, especially those that make you anxious, even afraid. As long as you’re writing about it in good faith and with no malicious intent.

So with that long preamble done, let’s talk about (not) having kids.

First, some questions for you:

Do you want to have kids?

If you answered yes, then: why? And if you answered no, why not?

Honestly, having kids is a topic that’s constantly at the top of my mind, but that I don’t think about much.

That may sound contradictory to you, so let me explain: I’m of the age where many of my friends are having kids, so every day I see pictures of my friends’ kids on my Instagram feed. This constant visual stimulation places the topic at the top of my mind day in day out, but I don’t then ponder on it, because I’ve always known I didn’t want kids.

In fact, I’m quite perplexed as to why people want kids. To be clear, I pass no judgment. People can choose whether or not to have children, it’s completely within their right. And if they choose to have children, then good for them.

I just find it difficult to understand why, which is why I’m writing this post and hoping you’ll share with me your reasons should you fall into the “I want kids” camp.

But first, let me share with you my reasons for not wanting kids.

For me, kids are 1) expensive, 2) more responsibility than I’d ever want, and 3) a limit on my freedom. And those, to me, are three very good reasons not to have children.

Some people don’t want kids for environmental reasons, not wanting to overpopulate the planet with yet another resource-consuming human. I can understand and appreciate their desire to save the world, but my reasons for not wanting kids are entirely selfish.

Let’s dive right in.

Reason 1: Children are expensive

Having a child equals two decades of financial support: food, health, education, piano lessons, shoes that become too small every few years. And that is if the child can then support themselves after the age of 20.

That is a lot of money, and it perplexes me to see people who can ill afford themselves choose to have children. I don’t condemn it—I value freedom and it’s not for me to say how people live their lives. I just genuinely don’t understand the logical process that goes from “I don’t have money,” to “Let’s have kids.”

Reason 2: Children are too much responsibility

I consider myself a highly responsible person. I’d happily take on responsibilities in many domains of my life, and I often do at work. But the responsibility of raising a child—no matter which way I look at it—just seems like too much to take on.

I can’t fathom taking on responsibility for the physical and psychological health of another human being, for the education of their mind to become a critical and well-functioning member of society. I don’t doubt that I can do it, but I just don’t want to.

And it genuinely perplexes me that people happily take on this responsibility. Indeed, that society would expect couples to want to take on this responsibility as the norm, rather than the exception.

Reason 3: Children limit freedom

Having kids means allocating a substantial amount of my time that I’d have happily spent elsewhere to my progeny, less attention to my partner and parents and friends, replacing romantic escapes with PG family vacations, not being able to up and move country whenever we wish.

I value freedom, and if given the choice, I’d choose not to limit it. I have only one life, and I’d like to live it exactly the way I want it.

Why do you want kids?

Which brings us back to the question: Why do you want kids?

The above are three (I think very good) reasons not to have children, and now it’s time to turn the pen over to you and ask for your reasons for wanting kids.

That is, if you want kids.

If you don’t want kids, then I’d also like to hear from you why not. Do you share any or all of my reasons? Do you have any other?

I’ve always loved reading and responding to your comments and replies. And this time, more than ever, I’m eager to hear from you. I genuinely want to understand why people want kids. I think having kids can be a great, life-changing experience. But there are good and bad reasons for wanting them.

I’ve heard of people who want to have kids so the kid can take care of them when they’re old, people who want kids because they’re lonely.

I hope as you’re reading the above, you realise those are very bad reasons for bringing a human into the world.

Right now, I can think of one good reason to have kids: to raise a healthy, functioning human who in their prime will contribute to making the world a better place. I think that’s a very good reason.

But surely, there must be more.

Leave a comment, send a reply, post a letter. I’d really like to hear from you.

Oh, and share this with anyone you think needs to read this.

Until next Friday… Stay cool, stay safe, stay thoughtful,

Val