Culture and identity

To what extent do our cultures define us?

Some time back, a friend made an observation about me which, unable to phrase it better myself, I shall reproduce in full:

You grew up in a country where cultural values and traditions are quite strong, yet you seem to have formed your own sense of identity and values not necessarily based on Thai social mores and norms.

This observation got at the heart of something I’d long wondered about myself: Why am I so “un-Thai”? Why do I feel so distant, disengaged from the cultural practices of the country I was born in? Having spent most of my life there, why do I not identify as being Thai in any culturally significant way?

For the first 17 years of my life, I grew up in a pretty typical Thai family. I was close to my parents, and regularly saw my grandparents and close relatives. I went to a Thai school which taught Thai social mores and norms. It was only when I turned 18 that I went abroad to study in the UK for 7 years.

So how come none of the Thai-ness stuck?

The culture behind the identity

I have a pretty strong sense of who I am. This has not always been the case. I grew up oblivious to the concept of identity and values, but after several depressions and a not-so-minor breakdown, I became very conscious of what values I was choosing for myself.

And if I look at the aspects of me that I deem most central to who I am, I’d say they’re mostly influenced by Western values.

A deep commitment to efficiency informs my work ethic. I’m all about getting maximum output for minimum input. If I can get something done in 15 minutes, I get it done in 15 minutes and not a moment longer. I am strongly averse to the concept of the 9-5 working day. I think it incredibly inefficient and wouldn’t choose to go back to it if I could.¹

I value independence. I enjoy doing things on my own—trying out new restaurants, popping out to the cinema for an impromptu showing, going for a long walk. I don’t feel the need for someone to share these experiences with me; they’re actually more rewarding when experienced alone.

I also value freedom. I only do what I want to do. I don’t let anyone tell me, and I don’t ask for permission. This is probably a source of great headaches for my parents to whom I will simply announce, “I’m moving to Vietnam this year,” without asking for their consent or even input. If I’m clear that it’s what I want and doesn’t impact others in a way that merits their input, then it’s an FYI, not a discussion.

And having adopted these Western values—efficiency, independence, freedom—I have chosen to completely disregard many practices and values that characterise Thai culture.

I don’t follow any Buddhist religious practices. I don’t pray. I don’t offer alms to monks. I don’t donate to temples. Nor do I follow Thai cultural practices like pouring water on elders on Thai New Year’s Day. Not to mention I wouldn’t even dream of having a Thai wedding ceremony with the “Khunmak” (procession of the groom offering gifts to the bride) and “Rodnamsank” (water pouring ceremony to bless the newlyweds).² I simply don’t see the point.

I also don’t think much of the concept of “Krengjai” which roughly translates to not doing something purely because it might cause the other party to lose face. I think it’s nonsense. I will do what I want to do (again, freedom) within the bounds of respect and social decorum. But I won’t refrain from doing something merely because you may lose face because of it. And, honestly, I’ve seen people “lose face” over the silliest things like not being CC’ed in an email, not being addressed by the proper term of address,³ ya di ya.

And most of all (and this is the one that puzzles me the most), I seem to have inherited from my culture zero sense of familial duties. I don’t feel like I need to (or should, even) take care of my parents when they’re old. I think we should all take care of ourselves and make provisions for old age, and it’s not on the children to do that for their parents. I will care for my parents in my own way because I want to (that freedom again) and because I love them, not because I feel any sense of duty towards them.⁴

What’s the difference?

Clearly, there is a lot of culture underlying my identity. It just all happens to be Western culture that I’ve inherited through films and books, rather than the Thai culture I was born into that should define me as it does millions other Thais.

So what’s the difference? Why did one stick and not the other?

The only thing I could think of here (and your thoughts are welcomed) is intentionality.

Whereas I was simply born into Thai culture with no choice in the matter, I’ve been a lot more intentional about the Western culture I expose myself to.

I was brought up fully participating in the Thai cultures that I’ve now left behind: I prayed, gave alms to monks, attended Thai wedding ceremonies, avoided doing things because of “Krengjai.” But it was never by choice. I was doing these things because I was asked to by my family or other persons of authority. There was no intentionality, no conscious thought that evaluated the pros and cons of these practices, no reflection on how these cultures might shape my identity.

It was only when I went to study abroad in the UK in my teens that I came to be conscious of the concept of intentionality and the varying cultural influences that I was exposed to, as well as how I could pick and choose from those cultural influences when forming my own sense of identity.

I began to choose what films to watch, which books to read, and what to take away from those media that I consume. I became aware of which concepts resonated with me, and (hello confirmation bias) intentionally devoured things that reinforced the values those concepts had forged within me.

Everything became intentional. And, as a result, it stuck.

What do you think?

Culture and identity is a fascinating topic. One that I don’t think about much, so I’m very grateful to my good friend for bringing it to my attention. I had to do a lot of thinking to come up with this post, and it’s now time to pass the thinking hat over to you:

Are you defined by the culture you’re born into? Or do you choose the culture that informs your identity?

Or maybe it’s a bit of both? Send a reply, leave a comment, share this with someone you want to have an existential crisis with you.

Until next Friday… Stay thoughtful,

Val

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Photo by sippakorn yamkasikorn on Unsplash

1. Somewhat fortuitously, this newsletter arrived in my inbox today. Its sentiment gels very well with my work philosophy—do only the work that matters and ditch the “busy work”—so I’m sharing it with you.

2. There’s a lot of water pouring in Thai culture. I know, beats me too.

3. Which is one reason why I love the English language so much. Everyone is simply you. There is no indication of age or seniority—we’re all equal.

4. You can also see this through the lens of reciprocity which I wrote about before. Simply because my parents looked after me when I was too young to look after myself, I don’t feel the need to reciprocate and look after them when they’re too old to look after themselves.