Why you should never miss a call from Mum

A list, a filter, and a rule to live by

What feels like a lifetime ago, an interview request slid into my Instagram DMs. Flattered but skeptical: my response was tentative. But then the stranger intrigued and reassured me so much that, a few weeks later, I found myself recording Beyond The Speech with Sagar Soni, the author of today’s guest post.

From that delightful interview came a friendship I treasure, and because I love both Sagar’s writing and his mind, I asked him to write something for you.

What he produced might just change the way you view your entire life—

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Why is it that we miss moments only when it’s gone? Is it this deep-rooted psychological wiring that we love living in nostalgia?

I caught myself saying, “Remember when things were simpler?” This was strange because that “simpler” version of my life was the one I actively tried to escape.

I moved cities because I felt stuck.
I changed routines because I felt restless.
I told myself I needed more space, more clarity, more time.

And yet, months later, I found myself romanticizing the very phase I couldn’t wait to leave.

That’s when I noticed a pattern.

Your Three Relationships

We complain about not having time for what matters, but dismiss clarity when it’s offered. We feel vaguely unhappy, so we book a vacation, only to realise the same restless mind followed us to the beach.

At some point, I had to admit that something was wrong. It was me. Or at least something about the way I relate to my life.

Okay fine… I am weird. But I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

Actively trying to better my life, by fixing my daily habits, finding a new purpose (disguised as side-hustle or hobbies), all while moving to a new country, raised a lot of realisations.

Different routines. Different scenery. Same feeling.

Somewhere in the middle of all that, I also noticed my behaviour change. I was more irritable in conversations. Quieter around people I cared about. Second-guessing every decision.

No matter where I went, that unease traveled with me.

It took a while, but I realised this wasn’t about habits or routines. What finally shifted things wasn’t a breakthrough moment, but a change in how I asked the question.

Instead of asking, “What should I fix?” I asked, “What am I disconnected from?”

That single shift reorganised everything. It revealed a pattern I had been missing: everything I was struggling with pointed back to three fractured relationships:

• With myself,

• With my purpose and

• With the people around me

Relationship With Yourself

As someone who dove head-first into the world of self-development, a very common problem I noticed right away is the dire need to do everything under the sun. But one major side effect of this desire is that I am constantly on the “never enough” land. That’s why, my to-do list never seemed to shrink.

Even if it did, I would add more items on it and call the day a “fail” because… well… the list isn’t marked off completely.

Staying on this land for years forced me to change my perspective on this problem. Constantly focusing on the unmarked to-do list made me feel I didn’t accomplish everything. Instead of this, I decided to write a DONE list.

A DONE list is something that is written at the end of the day which accounts for all the accomplished tasks… unlike a To-Do list that is written in the morning.

The first day I wrote it, I realised something strange. My brain felt lighter.

Seeing all the work I had actually completed… the calls, the emails, the small wins… made me feel enough.

That was the moment I understood the relationship with myself is not built on perfection or a completed list. It’s built on noticing and appreciating the reality of your own effort.

Relationship With Your Purpose

A DONE list is great, but it also has a trap to be careful of.

This list doesn’t move the needle much if it’s filled with mundane tasks.

Calls made. Emails sent. Chores complete.

At first, it felt nice to see progress. But that doesn’t make a satisfying DONE list now, does it? After a while, I started feeling restless again.

That’s when I realised that not all completed work carries the same weight.

So what needs to be on it then?

The problem was not effort anymore. It was Focus. The problem with today’s world is that we are inundated with people’s “success,” whether it’s real or curated. Without realising, I am comparing people’s highlight reels to my behind-the-scenes. I could very well have a new plan, but I tend to be distracted with other people’s goals.

All of a sudden, I want to have a big podcast, but also have 5,000 Substack subscribers, but also run a full marathon and have 6-pack abs.

All at the same time.

None of this is inherently bad, but none of this matters if my main goal is to be a speaker.

So… what the f*ck happened?

I started confusing inspiration with direction. I had ambition, but I was lacking a filter. That’s why I introduced a FOCUS filter.

It’s a simple question! When I am adding anything to my list, I must ask,

Does this move me closer to my purpose? Or am I aiming in the wrong direction?

If it doesn’t pass the filter, it doesn’t make it to the list. The FOCUS filter didn’t make my days easier. It made them clearer. Suddenly, a shorter DONE list felt more satisfying than a long one. Because the work on it was aligned, not just completed.

Relationship With Your People

If you’re on a journey toward a “new” version of yourself, you have to accept one thing: Growth has seasons. And some seasons require sacrifice.

When I jumped into this world of self-development and productivity, that became my entire lens. If it doesn’t fit my routines, schedules and goals, it takes a back seat. I understood that goals usually require sacrifices.

But I took it too far.

If my goal was waking up at 5 a.m., I needed to sleep early.
Sleeping early meant skipping nights out.
Skipping nights out slowly became skipping people.

Before saying yes to plans, every interaction started running through a filter:

Can this wait? Is this urgent? Is this worth breaking my focus?

I wasn’t avoiding people. I was managing them. I was measuring them against my output.

But what kind of life are you building if it doesn’t include the people who make it feel alive? This isn’t just another relationship. This is the most important one worth protecting.

I only realised this after moving away from my hometown and all my loved ones.

On paper, things were working. My DONE lists were full. My purpose felt clear.

And yet, something felt empty.

No amount of progress could replace the feeling of being around the right people. That’s what forced me to introduce the final rule. I call it:

The TODAY rule.

Every call, every dinner, every friendship… goes through this filter.

If it matters, it deserves time—TODAY. Not next week, not when you are less busy, not after you finish everything else… Today.

And yes, for me, that means never missing a phone call from a friend or family member. Sometimes it even means hitting pause on my 5 a.m. gym session for a board game the prior night.

Today matters more than any optimization, any task, any project waiting for you tomorrow. I understand that some days, I might have to prioritise my purpose over my people. That’s totally fine. But then a new question needs to be answered.

“If this matters, why isn’t it on my calendar?”

A full life isn’t built by optimizing time. It’s built by choosing who gets it.

What do you think?

With this journey, I came to a realization. Maybe the unease was never about doing more or “fixing myself.” I spent years designing the life I want (and still am designing to a certain extent). But now I understand that the ambient discontent I feel was just a signal… A signal that I was disconnected.

What I actually needed was to rebuild my relationships within it.

Because no habit, no goal, no version of “future me” can compensate for being disconnected in the present.

Which brings us to Val’s questions:

How are your three relationships? Are you connected to yourself, your purpose, your people?

Please hit “reply” or leave a comment—we read every response and we’d love to hear from you. If you want, share this post with someone who could use a relationship audit.

Until next Friday, stay thoughtful, and for more from Sagar:

Find Beyond The Speech on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.