Usually, what’s difficult about my primary job is not so much the demands on my time, but the fact that it regularly requires me to figure things out as I go with minimal guidance—be it venturing into new territories of knowledge or learning a skill from scratch—a requirement that often leaves my brain in a state of mush at the end of the day.

This reality was turned on its head with our most recent project: a revamp of our website MarkManson.net. This time, I knew exactly what I was doing, but there was so much to be done that I found myself working far longer hours than I’m accustomed to. It was crunch time, and I was cranking out work as swiftly as if I was working on a 2,500-line subtitles project due the next day, every day.

With this increased workload came, as you’d expect, a mild-to-moderate stress. But it also had an unexpected side effect: my emotions went into overdrive. Minor hurdles engendered major frustrations. I got annoyed more easily, but at the same time also felt joy and gratitude more deeply.

It’s as if previously all my emotions were played back to me in a black-and-white televised broadcast, whereas now they were displayed in vivid technicolour on a giant IMAX screen. And in the cinema was a packed audience of mini me’s, ooh’ing and aah’ing at every emotional twist and turn.

My secret pleasure

For a couple of weeks, I existed in a state of constant stimulation. I was always revving, ready to have at the next task, abuzz with a curious, addictive mix of excitement and anxiety.

I’d complain to my partner that I have so much work, that I was so stressed. And he’d say in return, you do enjoy it though. I’d moan a bit more before conceding: yes, I do enjoy it.

I like that state of constant stimulation during crunch times. I like that emotional overdrive. It makes me feel alert, active, productive, valuable. It heightens my sense of purpose. Like it or not, a lot of my identity is tied up in the idea of producing meaningful work. I like being useful. And it’s during these crunch times that I feel my usefulness most keenly.

I love looking at the impossibly long list of things that need to get done, knowing that it’s up to me to get them done. It’s of course also stressful as fuck, but oh boy, that buzz is incredible. It’s addictive. It’s my secret pleasure. (Please don’t tell my boss.)

Emotional overdrive

A curious by-product of this state of crunch-induced overdrive is that I feel all my emotions more acutely. The other day, a colleague offered to take a not-minor task off my plate so I could focus on the mountain of other things I needed to get done, and I was instantly awash in a wave of gratitude.

At any other time, this offer would have made me feel mildly thankful. But in this crunch period, it triggered an avalanche of emotions, a profusion of thanks which I couldn’t fully express lest I transgress the bounds of acceptability.

On the same day, after hours of messaging back-and-forth with a different colleague to troubleshoot styling issues on the blog posts on our website, I was suddenly overcome with a deep appreciation, which I promptly expressed. And seeing his reply come back—“I like working with you too”—brought me a joy far deeper than you’d expect from such a simple exchange.

The stress during crunch times is no fun for anyone. But the heightening of all emotional experiences is for me. The technicolour IMAX screen of emotions makes a nice change from the dull black-and-white version I normally experience.

Don’t get me wrong. I like not having emotional swings on a regular basis and feeling balanced most of the time. But these rare roller coaster rides add just that bit of excitement that makes life that much more interesting.

What do you think?

I’m (hopefully) coming to the end of my crunch period as I’m writing these words. The new website will launch in a few days, and I hope my senses will soon return to normal. The overdrive has been nice, but it’s time to rest… until the next wave hits.

My question for you this week:

Do you like going into overdrive?

How do crunch periods make you feel? Do you enjoy them? Or would you rather not touch them with a barge pole? Send a reply, leave a comment, share this with someone whose thought you’d like to hear.

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Until next Friday… Stay thoughtful,

Val

Photo by Robert Bye on Unsplash

It's crunch time